


cold rain

by leehwi



Category: BTOB
Genre: -kind of slow burn...not really, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Deaf Character, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Past Abuse, Smut, actually the whole fic is kind of rushed sorry but im lazy, i only know a little sign language sorry, multiple deaf characters, slow burn(?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 12:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11874105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leehwi/pseuds/leehwi
Summary: “How about like the colors AU except it can be your voice or your hearing instead that comes and goes when your soulmate dies. Imagine how your soulmate’s voice is the first and the last thing you’ll ever hear.”-colormayfade.tumblr.com





	cold rain

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first btob fic and i promise i actually love them

Spending his whole life deaf wasn’t something that Minhyuk had considered odd, he didn’t realize just how much he depended on the silence that enveloped his mind, the quiet comfort that allowed him to focus on designing in peace.

However there was a window of time, in which Minhyuk had earned a friend, lost a friend, heard a song and fallen in love. And it all happened so fast, he didn’t realize what he had, until he lost it.

\----

Hyunsik turned the corner into the dark office, his hand reaching over to flick the overhead light, before leaving it off. The dim light in the room made Minhyuk - posed in his chair over a Wacom Cintiq, digital pen held in hand and concentration painted into the curves of his face - lift his head.

The older looked up to meet his friend’s gaze, before sighing and tossing the pen onto the table. He signed quickly, eager to get back to work. “ _ What do you need?” _

Moving further into the office, Hyunsik tugged a chair closer and replied. “ _ Nice to see you too. Asshole. I made dinner.” _

Another exasperated sigh and Minhyuk was shoving his things to the corner of the desk, he rose to his feet, stretching his arms over his head. Hyunsik’s doe eyes were watching him carefully, before falling to the coffee pot that was on the other side of the desk, plugged into the wall.

So that’s where it went...

Surrounding the coffee maker were several candy wrappers and three empty bottles of mineral water. Was this all Minhyuk had been living off of?

Not to startle him, Hyunsik grabbed his arm and pulled him gently towards the kitchen, much to the other’s discontent, as he tried to tug his arm free multiple times. In the kitchen was the smell of fried vegetables and chicken soaked in sauce. It was much better than the smell of sweat, stale coffee and ink that had inhabited Minhyuk’s nose for the past three days.

Hyunsik tapped his arm, “ _ I have a friend I wanted to introduce you to,” _ he signed.

A shake of his head was the only response Minhyuk gave, he wasn’t interested in meeting friends. He was 27, he wasn’t about to go around and be friendly with anyone, he had better things to do with his time. He knew that Hyunsik still had hope for him, he still wanted to help him, but Minhyuk gave up on that years ago.

During his teenage years and early 20’s, he’d been determined to find his soulmate, he wanted to hear just as badly as anyone else. As someone who was obsessed with art, he was desperate to hear the music that all of the married couples in his neighborhood talked about. It was a luxury that he was eager to get a taste of.

But when he was 23, he’d realized that maybe...he wasn’t destined to find a soulmate. After all, his parents had married, despite having never heard a single sound in all their years of life. They decided that their love for each other was enough. Seeing Hyunsik so happy with Ilhoon since they were teenagers, Minhyuk felt that he had outgrown the ‘soulmate searching’ phase that so many people got stuck in.

He would focus on his art and be done with the whole ordeal, it was less stress that way. However the actual stress of art was enough that he completely forgot about finding a soulmate and now he was just too busy for it. What was he to do if he found one now?  _ Oh sorry, I’m too busy to fall in love right now, I have better things to do. Thanks for letting me hear though. _

That wouldn’t make for a good meeting...

So with his head and stress levels high, Minhyuk plunged himself into designing and hadn’t gotten out ever since. He was happily miserable down here.

Hyunsik was stirring the food in the pan, as Minhyuk gathered a plate and a pair of chopsticks and then approached the pan carefully. Wary of being smacked away, he reached around Hyunsik and snatched up a piece of chicken, popping it into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. 

“ _ It’s good, _ ” he complimented, seeing Hyunsik’s nostrils flare into a snort.

“ _ I know.” _

They ate together at the counter, where Minhyuk was realizing he was feeling a bit sleepy. It was only 5pm, why on earth was he so tired? He was going to be going to bed in about an hour anyways, he usually went to bed early, finding the best inspiration came in the wee hours of the morning.

When he was finished, he tried to retreat to his office, but found that Hyunsik caught him by the arm and was shaking his head. “ _ You’re coming out with me, and we’re going to socialize.” _

“ _ No.” _

“ _ Yes.’ _

_ “Fuck you.” _

The harsh hand sign seemed to leave Hyunsik unfazed and Minhyuk looked for a means to escape.

“ _ We’re not going far, just to a cafe!” _

“ _ I don’t want to! _ ” Minhyuk’s expression quickly changed to frustration and he let out a noise of anger as he yanked away from Hyunsik’s touch, determined to stay stubborn.

Hyunsik’s face was a mixture of sadness and exasperation. Eventually he signed, “ _ There’s live music.” _

He knew that no matter how much he denied it, Minhyuk loved live music. He loved to watch the people sturm away on their guitars, he loved pressing his palms to the floor and feeling it strum through the ground. He loved the faces everybody in the crowd made when they were invested, their ‘listening faces’.

When it came to music, Minhyuk was a curious child and Hyunsik knew this better than anyone.

“ _ And Changsub will be there. _ ”

Changsub was Minhyuk’s only friend who still hadn’t found his soulmate, he was just as oblivious to the sounds of the world as Minhyuk was and there was some comfort to be found around him, they could sit together in the silence and be perfectly content.

“ _ Fine,” _ Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “ _ I hate you. _ ”

A grin appeared on Hyunsik’s face. “ _ Let’s get you dressed in something that doesn’t smell like a college student. _ ”

\----

The cafe was warmer than Minhyuk had expected and the smell of coffee and freshly baked scones swarmed his senses and he sighed contentedly. He hated going out, but there was something to be appreciated about cafe’s. They were cozy.

A live band was set up against one wall and they seemed to be playing a good song, their hands moved expertly over the piano and guitar and the faces of the customers was delighted. Minhyuk nodded appreciatively and followed Hyunsik up to the counter, where the younger began an exchange with the barista, signing their order. He already knew what Minhyuk liked.

Unable to stop himself, Minhyuk’s hand slipped out of his pocket and pressed against the wall next to the counter, his eyes drifting shut. The wall felt alive, it was throbbing with the pulse of the music and a shiver tingled under his skin.

A tap on his arm pulled him from his trance and he followed Hyunsik to a table, where Ilhoon, Changsub and another man sat. Ilhoon was chatting excitedly with the man, and Changsub was playing on his phone. Minhyuk’s nose scrunched as they approached, another hearing person, of course.

“ _ This is Sungjae, _ ” Hyunsik introduced.

Minhyuk bowed low, a polite smile on his lips. The other man rose to his feet, he was disturbingly tall and he bowed in return, a happy look was plastered on his face. He had big eyes, Minhyuk noticed and his lips were thick as they stretched into a kind smile. It was unsettling.

“ _ I’m Minhyuk,” _ he signed, watching the other man nod understandingly.

“ _ Nice to meet you, _ ” Sungjae replied, before pulling out the chair next to him and sitting down at the table.

Hyunsik’s expression looked tired as he sat down, as if he’d been hoping for something...anything.

“ _ Is the music good? _ ” Minhyuk asked, grudgingly trying to start a conversation.

“ _ I don’t know, _ ” Sungjae shrugged in response.

A frown crept over Minhyuk’s face, he looked between Ilhoon and Sungjae. “ _ Sorry, I thought... _ ” he paused, looking again at Ilhoon, who was now lost talking to Hyunsik. “ _ You were talking to Ilhoon, so I figured- _ ”

“ _ It’s okay,” _ Sungjae smiled. “ _ My parents taught me to read lips when I was little. _ ”

Of course, he was talented and pretty and not hearing, but certainly a step up from where Minhyuk was. And he wasn’t his soulmate, so there was really no point in sticking around. Except...

Minhyuk’s eyes drifted back over to the stage, where they were setting up for another song, the band members looking invested in twisting the dials and straightening things. They were so concentrated on what they were doing and it made Minhyuk feel a little at home, he understood what it was like to focus so hard you lose yourself.

They were a little like him.

He was tugged back by a light tap on his foot, his alarm apparent as he pulled his foot back and look ahead, noticing Changsub staring at him as if he’d just noticed he was there. “ _ Hi, Minhyuk, _ ” he signed.

“ _ Hey, Sub. _ ”

“ _ Did you get something to drink? _ ”

Minhyuk nodded his head.

“ _ Wanna come while I order something? _ ”

“ _ Sure. _ ”

They both rose at the same time, alerting Hyunsik and Ilhoon, who watched them leave the table, heading for the counter. They seemed to be now lost in their own bubble of quiet, the only sound from their footsteps. They were so comfortable around each other and Hyunsik chewed on his lip watching them.

“ _ I’ve been thinking... _ ” Changsub started, interrupting himself to converse with the barista, ordering an iced Americano. “ _ I kind of want to just settle. _ ”

“ _ Oh? _ ”

“ _ Well, _ ” Changsub’s eyes were growing bigger and his cheeks were starting to heat as he faced Minhyuk. “ _ I haven’t found my soulmate yet....and neither have you. _ ”

Oh.

“ _ I think we should date, _ ” he finally finished, somehow not noticing Minhyuk’s alarmed expression.

His stomach plummeted, he didn’t want to date Changsub, but he didn’t want to have to turn him down either. The idea of the disappointed look that would appear on his face made Minhyuk’s heart hurt. “ _ Changsub- _ ”

Someone cleared their throat.

“Hi.”

Minhyuk felt his body grow cold.

“Today, I’ll be singing Wind.”

A dizzying feeling trickled through him and his ears started ringing. He felt like he was going to be sick. This couldn’t happen now. This couldn’t be happening.

It happened slowly, not all at once like he’d expected. But as each second ticked by, sounds started to come to him, a hiss from the coffee machine. Hushed voices exchanging words that he’d never heard before. A laugh, it rose and fell in the way that Minhyuk’s heart was heaving.

And then, a sound broke clear and strong through the silence. It was a voice, he thought, but it sounded like sunlight. It was crystal clear and made his stomach twist and leap. His head was reeling and he started to lose balance, his hands went out to grasp the counter.

Changsub’s face was barely discernable, concern across his features and he was going to catch Minhyuk. Another sound came and there was a horrible scrape, making Minhyuk’s brows furrow. Hands were gripping his arms and he was being pulled towards somewhere.

His vision was blurred and his head hurt so much, unconsciousness threatening to snatch him up, but he was determined to hear more of... _ him _ .

As he slipped in and out of awareness, his ears picked up that sound, consistent and strong. Powerful and beautiful. 

_ I need you, I love you. _

_ My broken heart calls you, _

_ I love you always. _

Darkness eventually slipped over him and he was lost.

\----

“Is he okay?”

“I think so...hard to tell, really.”

Sounds and words, horrible and beautiful, pulled Minhyuk from his sleep.  _ It wasn’t a dream... _

His eyes opened groggily and he stared up at the ceiling, there was a haze to his vision, his head still hurting slightly. He tried to sit up and felt hands help him upright. Looking around, he found Hyunsik and Ilhoon squatting on either side of him.

“ _ Are you okay?” _ Hyunsik signed.

Minhyuk nodded. Okay, was easy, he could do okay.

“Has he eaten much today?” Ilhoon whispered.

“No,” Minhyuk said, surprised by the sound of his own voice. It was more like a croak than anything, his throat feeling strained from the effort of speaking. His voice was mushmouthed, the sound of someone who had never spoken before. Someone who was only just hearing how to speak for the first time.

The shock on Hyunsik’s face was rewarding and the impressed look on Ilhoon’s was just as much so. Words however were harder than Minhyuk was expecting and he realized he didn’t know how to pronounce...well much of anything.

“You-” Hyunsik cut himself off, wonder and a hint of delight was painted across his face. “You met them...you can...hear.”

The words floated by and Minhyuk ignored them, reaching for something to help him to his feet. The cafe was just as loud as it was before and he spotted Changsub, sitting on his phone at the table. As Minhyuk sat up, it drew the other’s attention and the concern from before was back.

“ _ You scared the shit out of me. Are you alright? _ ”

Minhyuk nodded, his hands shaking a little as he responded. “ _ I...can hear things now. _ ”

Realization dawned on Changsub and he nodded slowly, understanding having crept onto his features and he looked down, disappointment started to ease into place. It made Minhyuk’s heart ache for him. But he was distracted by the sound of his own name.

He whipped around to look, the oddity of his  _ own name  _ startled him. Why did it sound like that? It was almost a delicate sound, but it had a harsh end to it, like biting into copper. 

“Come here,” Hyunsik was waving at him, drawing him closer. “Who was it?” he asked.

Minhyuk shrugged. “He was singing,” his words sounded distorted almost, one melding into the other, but Hyunsik understood perfectly.

He watched his friends start to look around, before Ilhoon pointed at a person who was sitting at a table by the counter. It was a shorter man, he looked young, but he was bald and seemed more tired than anyone his age should be. His shoulders were hunched almost and he was chewing on his lip, staring at his phone.

“Peniel!” Ilhoon drew his attention as he approached, Hyunsik and Minhyuk in tow, leaving Changsub at the table with Sungjae, who was starting to talk to him.

The younger man, who was deemed Peniel, looked up at his name and spotted the approaching trio. “Wassup?” he asked, his eyes skimming over Minhyuk briefly before returning to Ilhoon.

“Who was singing today? The band you had.”

“Uhm, which one?”

“Wind,” Minhyuk spoke, his tongue feeling fat as he said it. Why did speaking feel so thick?

Peniel paused before thumbing at some papers in front of him, his dark eyebrows drawn close in concentration. “Hmm,” he began to chew on the end of a straw and a small crinkling sound came from it, making Minhyuk shiver. There were so many strange sounds he’d have to get used to. “Seo Eunkwang.”

_ Oh. _ He liked the sound of that. It flowed well and was crisp, yet elegant. It was a nice sounding name.

“Do you have his number? Or his address or something?”

Peniel was shaking his head. “No, but he practices at a little studio across town, lemme get you the address,” he scanned the papers, before scribbling something down on a piece of paper and handing it to Ilhoon.

They thanked Peniel profusely, before collecting Changsub and Sungjae and they made their way out the door. Minhyuk was feeling strange, his skin was tingly and his ears were so overwhelmed. He was learning sounds and noises and the way they brought things to life. He was also learning how they made some things seem worse. Cars especially.

The street was busy at this time of day and Minhyuk was feeling drained, he really wanted to go to bed now, but Hyunsik came close and snatched up his arm. “So,” he started, his voice sounded inviting. “You found him.”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “So what?”

“So...can I play some of my favorite songs for you at home?” he sounded far too excited for someone his age and Minhyuk was reminded of 11 year old Hyunsik sitting on the soccer field, asking if he could show Minhyuk the new knee kick he’d learned.

He actually laughed in response, before clapping his hand over his mouth and staring wide eyed at his friend. What an absurd sound...

The look on Minhyuk’s face brought a laugh from Hyunsik and it was now that Minhyuk realized, Hyunsik’s laugh sounded exactly like it looked, it was a wheezing happy sound that made the older chuckle. He was still appalled at the sound of his own laugh, but Hyunsik helped him relax a little.

The sun was starting to go down by now and Minhyuk stared forlornly up at the darkening sky, a bit of a melancholy feeling was settling into his skin and he wondered how long it would last. Perhaps till the sun finished going down...

“Here we are,” Hyunsik announced, flourishing his hand towards the apartment in front of him. Minhyuk stared at his own front door for several seconds before sighing and walking up the steps. Who knew what kinds of sounds awaited him in there.

“ _ Goodnight, _ ” he signed, throwing a wave towards Changsub, who just blinked back at him.

\----

Sleeping, it turns out, is impossible when you have hearing. There’s so many sounds, so many creaks and chirps in the middle of the night. Minhyuk tried working on his recent piece, but even that was impossible, the scratch of the pen on the tablet was making his ears tingle. Everything he did brought unwanted sounds.

Drinking coffee was worse than he could’ve imagined, the slurp of the liquid against his lips as he drank slightly disgusted him. This was driving him insane, he couldn’t do anything without...noises. It was impossible to get some genuine peace and quiet.

He retrieved some cotton balls from his bathroom and shoved them into his ears, but even then the creak of his office chair, or the clatter of the pens at his elbow slipped past the cotton. All of it was growing to be a bit much. So he set his attention on his laptop, determined to find some music to listen to.

He didn’t even know what music he liked. He decided to browse the web, seeing on Hyunsik’s profile a few bands that he enjoyed. Worth a listen, he considered and typed one of the bands into Naver. It was all loud and too much noise, it hurt his ears, so he turned it off. Perhaps that wasn’t right.

After listening to a few popular girl groups, he felt a sense of deep curiosity strike him and he carefully typed, as if the wrong character might bite him.  _ Seo Eunkwang _ .

The videos that showed were each different stages, there were only a handful in total, but one of which was from a musical of sorts. ‘Hamlet’, the screen read. Minhyuk frowned, his hands hesitating. He didn’t even know what this guy looked like, he only knew the sound of his voice. He was scared to see the face of his soulmate for the first time through a Naver video.

His confidence rose and the desire to hear the man’s voice again drove him to click on it.

A dark stage was featured and for a long moment, it was quiet, the only exception being a few murmurs through the crowd. Eventually the orchestra struck into motion and sound rippled through the speakers, a beautiful symphony of music that made Minhyuk shiver.

There was a moment of quiet, before a man emerged from the shadows, approaching the center of the stage, a woman was adjacent him and they were staring at each other passionately. The man’s gaze was full of fire and emotion and as soon as his mouth opened, Minhyuk  _ knew _ .

_ This  _ was his soulmate, this was Seo Eunkwang. He had light brown hair and a firm jawline, his lips were curved and his nose was smooth. Behind the acting and the fierce stage presence, he looked kind. His voice was strong and impressive and as the melody built between the two actors, Minhyuk felt himself growing more and more involved in the video.

A point came where the woman’s hands tugged his shirt down off his shoulders and Minhyuk’s jaw slowly fell open as he examined the man’s body, the way his stomach flexed and relaxed as he sang was mesmerizing. Shit, he’d really struck gold with this Seo Eunkwang. But regardless of his body, Minhyuk could feel himself slowly falling in love with his voice alone, looks be damned.

He was already fucked...and he hadn’t even met him yet.

\----

It didn’t take long for Hyunsik to show up to Minhyuk’s house, dressed in a nice sweater and jeans, with a sly grin on his face. And it took even less time for Minhyuk to catch on.

“No,” he attempted to close the door, but Hyunsik’s hand snapped out to catch it, forcing it back on Minhyuk.

“Wait, please Minhyuk, you have to meet him at least once!”

“No!” he insisted, fear twisted his gut and tugged his heart to the ground, it felt a million miles away.

Hyunsik sighed and rolled his eyes. “Why not?”

“Because,” Minhyuk bit his lip, before abandoning the doorway and retreating back into his apartment, Hyunsik on his heels. “I made the mistake of putting his name in the search engine,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Like...two nights ago.”

“So?” Hyunsik eyed him carefully, slightly nervous as to where this was going.

Crooking his finger, Minhyuk lured Hyunsik through his living room and into his office, where he reached over the desk and flicked on a lamp. There was a sharp inhale of breath as Minhyuk stared at his work from the past few days.

Sketched in charcoal were pictures of a man, different expressions and poses, each taken from carefully examined screenshots of his performances. Some he was holding a guitar, some he was just singing, a few where he had a button up shirt half pulled down his biceps, his torso on full display.

His eyes skimmed over them, before noticing detail, Hyunsik leaned onto the desk. “Well, you obviously spent a lot of time on them...and they’re really good,” he sighed. “But you’re in deep.”

Minhyuk nodded. “I know,” he croaked.

“This is all the more reason for you to go meet him. At this point, the only way you can be saved is if he turns out to be an asshole,” Hyunsik gathered the drawings up in a stack and pushing them to the back of the desk. “Come on.”

With a pout and a bit of a struggle, Hyunsik had Minhyuk dressed in something nice and ready to go. He dragged him from the apartment, the older trying to drag his feet, but he earned a kick in the shins and was eventually walking - stomping - down the road after Hyunsik.

The studio was a little over 5 minutes walk from Minhyuk’s apartment and he realized how dangerous that could become, having Eunkwang that accessible could lead to some very irresponsible actions. Such as Minhyuk making  _ very _ frequent visits to see him. All of this was a possibility now, but the realisticness of them relied on whether or not Eunkwang even liked Minhyuk, or vice versa.

What if they hated each other?

A sleek recording studio came into view and Minhyuk swallowed thickly, he was struck with nerves that ran deep, making him tense up. Hyunsik swept the front door open, turning to look at Minhyuk. Any second now the fear would pass and he would walk in perfectly calm...any second now.

Hyunsik grabbed his arm and pulled him in, not waiting for that second.

There were multiple rooms and the man at the desk told them which one Eunkwang was in. “Just go in, he won’t mind,” the guy encouraged, a polite smile on his face.

Warily approaching the room the man said Eunkwang was in and Hyunsik knocked carefully. He glanced at Minhyuk, who was tugging at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, an old grey garment that had the Chicago Bulls symbol on it. The angry red bull stared back at Hyunsik, until he directed his attention back to the door.

The door opened slowly, the sounds of a male’s voice rapping greeted them. As they peered further in, they saw the back of a man, whose hands were slicing through the words as he blew through another verse. Thick black headphones were secured on his head. The man who’d opened the door was a smaller brown haired man who smiled widely at them, allowing them to slip inside the room.

Minhyuk looked at the man who’d let them in, he looked like a very young kid, but there was something odd about him that made him feel like he wasn’t as young as he looked. He was dressed sharply in a white pullover and some navy slacks, his shoes looked far too nice for someone his size, like a child dressed in his father’s clothes.

As the rapper slowed to the end of the song, removing his hands from the soundboard where he’d been tweaking with the microphone settings. He wiped down the microphone, a low chuckle sounded from his lips, meeting Minhyuk’s ears through the speakers. He blushed a little.

“Sounds good, Kwang,” the small man said, not looking up from his phone.

“Ahh, I don’t know, Seob. It needs some work,” Eunkwang sighed, quirking his head as he spoke and turned around. Upon seeing the newcomers, his eyebrows rose and he smiled in greeting. “Hello,” he bowed.

Hyunsik and Minhyuk bowed in return, the older of the two feeling a little clammy in the hands.

“How can I help you?” Eunkwang asked, he sounded polite enough, so there wasn’t much risk of Minhyuk hating him so far.

“I’m Hyunsik, this is my friend Minhyuk. We, uh...” Hyunsik cast a look at Minhyuk, who was avoiding his gaze. “We heard you sing the other night, at the cafe. You’re really good.”

The singer’s face grew into a wide shy grin, he looked bashful and somehow it looked handsome on him. “Wahh--thank you so much,” he covered his face a little with his hands.

Minhyuk muttered something. Eunkwang’s eyebrows and he leaned forwards a little, a silent “I’m sorry?” on his face. Mustering a bit of bravery, Minhyuk spoke up. “It was the first thing I’ve heard.”

Confusion was present, but it was quickly washed over and a dawning expression appeared on Eunkwang’s face. “Ah,” he chewed on his lip.

“We’ll give you two a moment,” the man by the door - Seob - said, his eyes no longer focused on his phone. He ushered Hyunsik out of the recording room, the other man giving a look of concern towards his friend, who seemed to be glued to his spot in fear.

“Eunkwang,” the man held out his hand with a little smile. “Minhyuk, right?”

Minhyuk nodded warily, fearfully shaking the extended hand. “You...already have one?” he asked, keeping his head tucked low, afraid of looking at him. If he looked into his eyes now, he might never get out of them.

His laugh was crisp and it sounded almost beautiful, but the shame that it brought in Minhyuk made it feel ugly and harsh, it was in his face and an unspoken “you came all this way for nothing” was ringing in his ears.

“Kind of,” Eunkwang chuckled. “I met my soulmate a long time ago, but we, uh...broke up,” he smirked.

Surprise was apparent on his face and Minhyuk’s eyebrows rose, he looked up now, meeting Eunkwang’s gaze. His eyes were full of warmth, so brown yet the light reflected in such a way, they looked golden. They were inviting and Minhyuk felt a part of him start to melt.

“I didn’t realize that happened with soulmates. Aren’t you kind of...”

“...Decided by fate?” Eunkwang laughed when Minhyuk nodded shyly. “Fate changes sometimes, I guess.”

Wonder filled Minhyuk’s eyes and he felt a little blush creep onto his face when he realized he’d stared for too long. He licked his lips warily and then cleared his throat. “It was nice to meet you, but I should let you return to work.”

He turned to the door, his hand closing around the cold metal handle, he wanted to go, but he wanted to stay so badly. He wanted to melt more into Eunkwang’s gaze, he wanted to lose himself in the soft golden marble of his hues. Eager longing filled him, but with his eyes closed, he twisted the handle.

“Wait,” Eunkwang turned in circles, trying to find something. He eventually snatched up a pen that was lying on a notebook of scribbles and music notes. He tore off a corner of paper, writing down a few digits. “Here’s my number, we should get dinner sometime.”

A smile, wider than he’d smiled in a long time, found itself glued to Minhyuk’s lips.

\----

“It’s just dinner!” Minhyuk protested in an attempt to reject Ilhoon’s hands, which were trying to grab his face, a small brush in hand. “Hyunsik-ah!” he whined.

Hyunsik - buried in Minhyuk’s closet - called over his shoulder. “Ilhoon, do whatever you feel necessary.”

His friend’s boyfriend gave the older a smirk, before grabbing his face again and forcing him still. He gently dabbed makeup across his face, earning a pout from Minhyuk. “You’re too old for that, stop it,” Ilhoon scolded, rubbing the BB Cream in with his thumb.

When Ilhoon was sufficiently satisfied, he sat back and examined Minhyuk’s face, now covered in natural makeup with a little ash grey by the outer corners of his eyes. He looked good, not that Ilhoon would ever say aloud. “Done,” he announced.

Hyunsik exited the closet, clothes in hand. “Brilliant. Here, put this on,” he tossed it at Minhyuk. A black t-shirt and a nice denim button up, simple but nice. It was much more bearable than what Ilhoon had done to him.

 

He now looked the part, the next focus was food. So Hyunsik and Ilhoon were pushed out of his apartment and he rolled his sleeves up and set about trying to make something edible. It’d been a long time since he last took the time to cook, so it was with much care that he tiptoed around the kitchen.

By the time the clock hit 6:50pm, he realized that they’d agreed on 7 o’clock and he had next to nothing ready. He grumbled under his breath and picked up his cellphone, dialing a delivery chicken restaurant. They’d have to settle for chicken tortillas.

He mixed up some sauce as he waited for the chicken and when it arrived, he found both the delivery man and Eunkwang waiting at the door, exchanging awkward bows. He paid the man and moved so that Eunkwang could enter his apartment.

“Sorry, I uh...can’t cook,” he smiled sheepishly as he walked towards the kitchen.

“Whoa,” Eunkwang muttered, looking around Minhyuk’s home. It was dark almost everywhere, but the living room was clean and neat and there were large framed artworks on the walls. He walked to one, it depicted a man covering his ears and screaming in pain. He frowned and touched it gently.

“Oh,” Minhyuk blushed and walked to join Eunkwang. “I drew that shortly after I first saw you.”

The older’s eyes softened and his eyebrows tightened together, a sadness washed over him. “It must have hurt a lot,” he murmured. “I barely remember mine.”

A sad smile played on the corners of Minhyuk’s lips and he turned to walk back towards the kitchen. Eunkwang watched him go, a sniffle was the only sound he made as he followed him. As Minhyuk pulled apart the chicken, he decided to take note of Eunkwang’s attire.

He was wearing slacks, a white button up with a navy stripe was across the front, it made his chest look broad and full, drawing far more attention than Minhyuk had intended to give. He had left his loafers by the door, just walking around in his socks.

“Can I help at all?” Eunkwang asked, tucking his hands into his pockets as he wandered about the kitchen. “I’m not the best cook, but I can at least try.”

Minhyuk smirked and shook his head. “No, it’s okay. You can go sit down if you’d like.”

“I’ll stay,” his voice was soft, but there was something in the tone of it that was teasing.

As they finally sat down to eat, Minhyuk was feeling more and more comfortable around Eunkwang. He was slowly growing worried at this point, that he might get used to him being around. Used to his loud voice as he talked, used to the concentration he put into listening to everything Minhyuk had to say, used to the way he would casually slip into signing when Minhyuk seemed overwhelmed, used to his beautiful hands when they spelled his name.

Eventually they moved up to the couch, their legs tucked under them as they chatted, sipping from beers that Minhyuk had fetched from the fridge. It was nice like this, being able to talk and relax around each other. It was bringing Minhyuk out of a comfort zone he didn’t realize he’d secluded himself in.

Spoken words were beginning to fail Minhyuk and he had started signing without even realizing, he almost apologized, but Eunkwang was so quick to respond that it didn’t even click in his mind that that might be an issue.

“ _ Want another beer?” _ Minhyuk asked.

The older shook his head. “ _ I’ve had enough, thanks. _ ”

There was a melancholy feeling as Minhyuk got up to clear the dishes, he could tell the night was coming to an end and he was starting to wonder when the feeling of missing Eunkwang would become too much. He missed him before he even met him, it’d taken him 27 years to find him and when he finally did, things were just moving so slowly.

He was scraping the last of the food into the trash, when he felt a body hovering behind him, he glanced over his shoulder and saw Eunkwang’s raised eyebrows, his lips pursed as he peered at what Minhyuk was doing. He hadn’t even heard him come in, how was he so quiet yet so loud all the time?

“ _ You shouldn’t waste food, _ ” he saw him sign and smirked in response.

So he was this kind of person? Minhyuk could see that, just from how he was, how he talked...

“Minhyuk-ah,” Eunkwang’s voice had lowered an octave and Minhyuk started to turn to look at him, but found arms on either side of him, caging him against the counter. He was rendered immobile.

“Hmm?”

There was a second where breathing was all the sound he heard, before there was a warm breath at his ear, Eunkwang’s mouth was hovering near his ear. “Can I see more of your art?” he asked, as if he was being perfectly casual about it.

Minhyuk swallowed. And then nodded. “Sure.”

Leading Eunkwang to the back office felt as if they were going to his bedroom, more personal even. Here in the dark of his office, where multiple sketches were spread out across the desk, Minhyuk bristled as he crossed the room to claim the chair.

He watched Eunkwang lean against the desk and carefully thumb through some of the pages on the desk, before redirecting his attention to a folder. “May I?” he asked, his hand stretched towards it, but not touching.

The dark lighting of the room cast just the right amount of shadows on Eunkwang, he looked dark, mysterious even. He looked serious, yet relaxed and beautiful. Minhyuk nodded dumbly. Honestly how was he supposed to say no at this point?

Eunkwang made a sound of approval and a blush rose on his cheeks, but when he spoke, his words made Minhyuk freeze. “Wahhh, you even got my navel shape right,” he sounded impressed.

“Shit!” Minhyuk reached for the folder, but Eunkwang laughed and pulled it out of reach.

“Stop, these are really good,” he giggled. He sounded like a fucking child.

As pages were flipped through and Eunkwang sounded more and more impressed, Minhyuk’s cheeks burned redder and redder. It was like he was baring his soul to the one person he was shy around, it felt far more personal and intrusive on Eunkwang than was right.

“I didn’t-”

“Did you like it?” Eunkwang asked, not looking up.

Minhyuk swallowed. “Yeah, your voice is amazing and you’re-”

“Not the song,” amusement was in the background of his voice but Minhyuk was dull to it. “My body...drawing it. Did you like it?” his eyes lifted from the page to meet Minhyuk’s and a wave of warmth washed through the artist’s body.

He could say no and watch disappointment flood Eunkwang’s eyes - which were bright and alert - or he could say yes and risk more embarrassment for himself, or even worse, what if he embarrassed Eunkwang? So many possibilities crossed his mind and he opened his mouth to respond.

“It’s okay,” Eunkwang dismissed it with a wave of his hand, he only sounded mildly upset.

“I did,” Minhyuk finally managed to blurt out.

An easy smile appeared on the older man’s lips and his tongue slowly swiped across his teeth, something was playing behind his eyes, something mischievous and maybe a little bit...dangerous?

\----

“Fourth date, fourth date!” Hyunsik exclaimed, shoving four fingers into Ilhoon’s face, much to his boyfriend’s annoyance. “I can’t believe they’re getting along so well! And Eunkwang had another soulmate, you know!”

Ilhoon rolled his eyes. “For the hundredth time, I know.”

“It’s crazy, who knew that someone could end up liking Minhyuk that much?” he shook his head in amazement.

“You’re just saying that because Changsub didn’t like him when you wanted him to.”

Hyunsik nodded thoughtfully, chewing on his lip. He groaned a little as Ilhoon rubbed their dicks together, running a hand through Hyunsik’s hair. The water poured down from overhead and Ilhoon made a show of pushing Hyunsik against the shower wall, pinning him with his body. Really, he was making an attempt of stealing the warm water stream.

Not that Hyunsik noticed.

“A fourth date,” he murmured, shaking his head, much to Ilhoon’s annoyance.

\----

“Oh come on, bowling is fun, let’s say yes,” Eunkwang grinned, nudging Minhyuk with his elbow. They were sitting at the cafe that Eunkwang had performed in all those weeks ago, what felt like months by now. 

“I don’t know,” Minhyuk sighed, sipping his coffee. “I was hoping we could just spend the day together.”

“Hmm,” Eunkwang made a thinking face. “Well, we can spend most of the day together and then go bowling, and maybe...” he grinned slyly. “Spend the night together.”

Minhyuk almost choked on his coffee, before his head swiveled around and he stared at Eunkwang, who was grinning widely. “Like  _ together _ ?” he pointed between them, his eyes wide.

“Why not?” Eunkwang laughed, leaning against him, 

A million reasons why not came to mind, they had never kissed, let alone had sex, they had spent weeks ogling each other and - in Minhyuk’s case - touching himself with the other in mind. Spending a night together, however harmless Eunkwang’s intentions would end up with Minhyuk painfully desperate and (probably) Eunkwang uncomfortable.

It just wasn’t a good idea.

“I just,” he swallowed. “Isn’t it too soon?”

“Really?” Eunkwang looked surprised and Minhyuk felt like he’d won a little bit when Eunkwang seemed to be doing some self reflection.

He took another drink of coffee and interrupted his boyfriend’s thoughts. “Let’s go bowling then, if you want to so much.”

Eunkwang’s grin made Minhyuk regret rejecting the night together offer, he was an idiot for declining the chance to wake up next to that grin.

The rest of the evening was spent walking through the park and eventually going bowling with Hyunsik, Ilhoon and Sungjae. When they arrived, Minhyuk looked around with a frown. “Where’s Changsub?” he asked, signing as he spoke.

Sungjae shrugged. “ _ He decided not to come _ .”

A part of Minhyuk felt guilty and he wondered if he’d damaged something there, if there was ever going to be a chance of repairing his friendship with Changsub, or perhaps this was something that was just...how things were now?

The bowling alley was decently full of people and as they set up a lane for them, Minhyuk felt a wave of uneasiness, encouraging him to scoot closer to Eunkwang. A warm hand enveloped his own and he found a comforting smile greeting him. “ _ It’s okay, _ ” Eunkwang signed, feeling Minhyuk’s grip on his hand loosen.

Bowling was a lot harder than Minhyuk remembered it being, but he managed. The same couldn’t be said for his boyfriend, who had dropped the ball as he swung his arm back...twice. Minhyuk had collapsed into giggles and had gotten a warm smile from Hyunsik, who was thoroughly amused by Eunkwang’s lack of bowling skills.

“In all honesty, I’m relieved,” he told Minhyuk. “I was hoping there was something that he wasn’t perfectly great at,” he rolled his eyes as Minhyuk silently agreed. He leaned in ‘conspiratorially’. “How is he in bed?”

Minhyuk started coughing, covering his mouth with his hand, glaring at Hyunsik as he reached for a glass of water.

“ _ What? _ ” Hyunsik signed.

“I wouldn’t know,” Minhyuk eyed his friend with an exasperated look.

A hand grasped Minhyuk’s arm and tugged him close, Hyunsik’s breath warm on his neck. “What the fuck are you waiting for?” he whisper-yelled. “Just look at him!”

Minhyuk did, at the right moment it seemed, because Eunkwang had just sent his ball flying into the gutter and he was laughing with Ilhoon. He watched his boyfriend stretch his arms over his head, his white t-shirt hugging his chest  _ just  _ so, a line of tan skin peeping out from over his jeans.

“God, I know, okay?” Minhyuk groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I’m just scared I’m gonna fuck it up.”

“Isn’t that kind of the point? Fuck it all up,” Hyunsik’s face was hiding amusement as he teased his friend. “Look at that...just fuck the whole thing up.”

“Shut up!” Minhyuk laughed, smacking the arm that was wrapped around his own.

There was a moment where Eunkwang heard Minhyuk’s laugh and looked over, their eyes met, both mid laugh. Minhyuk felt his heart constrict and it got difficult to breathe, the twinkle in Eunkwang’s eyes was mesmerizing and he quickly realized just how fucked he was.

\----

Minhyuk’s apartment was their usual, they always went to his place for dinner, they always went there for movies. But Eunkwang’s apartment, Eunkwang’s slightly smaller, cozier apartment was where Minhyuk was unfamiliar and nervous in.

After bowling, Eunkwang took him back to his home and Minhyuk found himself tiptoeing in, having never been before. The older simply laughed and walked forwards to grab his hand. “Relax, it’s okay,” he pulled Minhyuk further in, his feet stumbling over themselves.

While Minhyuk was peering around to look at the apartment, Eunkwang was busy with something in the corner of the living room. As Minhyuk went to examine a small art piece on the wall, he heard music start to stream from where Eunkwang was standing and he peered over his shoulder at the other man.

“It helps me focus,” Eunkwang smiled back.

“This is nice,” Minhyuk pointed at the painting.

He clicked his tongue. “Ah, it’s not much, just a little something I picked up at a store. It’s not nearly as good as yours though,” he gently elbowed Minhyuk as he came up beside him.

Before Minhyuk got a chance to wave him off, he felt his hand slip into his own, it was firm. He gave the other man a small smile, before he felt himself being tugged away again. He opened his mouth to question, but it was answered before he got the opportunity, as Eunkwang placed his hands on Minhyuk’s chest and shoved him backwards onto the couch.

Now seated, with Eunkwang hovering above, Minhyuk felt a flush of warmth through his body, rushing south and north and east and west and god since when did Eunkwang get this attractive? The golden light in the living room was casting a glow across the man’s skin, he looked ethereal.

“What-”

Eunkwang’s finger touched his lips and it was such a gentle touch that Minhyuk’s eyes drifted shut, he leaned back as Eunkwang pushed against his lips, until his back touched the cushions behind him. He felt a weight climb into his lap and he opened his eyes to find himself face to face with Eunkwang.

“Minhyuk-ah,” strong fingers carded deep into Minhyuk’s hair. He wanted to close his eyes again, savor the sensation, but he was so focused on the sight of the man in his lap, that he couldn’t close them. He couldn’t lose this moment.

The older leaned forwards, licking his lips slightly, until his nose touched Minhyuk’s. They breathed against one another for a moment, their noses rubbing gently against the other’s. It was intimate and pushing a boundary that neither wanted to be the first to break. Eunkwang’s hands met Minhyuk’s and he laced their fingers together, pushing against his palms until they were pinned to the couch.

Minhyuk pushed back on Eunkwang’s hands, making him laugh, their mouths still just a centimeter apart. Now, he allowed his eyes to close. Whatever happened, would happen and he would accept it. He would take whatever Eunkwang wanted to give and he would give whatever Eunkwang needed to take.

A hot breath cascaded over his lips, following by Eunkwang’s tongue, sliding gently along the purse in Minhyuk’s lips. He couldn’t help but open them, allowing the other man to enter his mouth, their tongues tangling together as they finally kissed.

It felt like everything Minhyuk needed, but nothing like what he’d imagined. This was heavy and made his back sweat, whereas what he envisioned was far more akin to gentle presses of lips and fingertips brushing against jawlines.

Eunkwang’s hands still gripped Minhyuk’s, pressing harder until his hands were held up next to his head, making him feel much less in control than when all of this started. But he wanted it this way, he liked having Eunkwang in control, forcing him into whatever position he desired.

The kiss grew hotter and hotter as Eunkwang nipped at Minhyuk’s lip and Minhyuk scraped his teeth against the other’s tongue. The aggression of pent up sexual frustration was coming out in little bites and suckled lips. Minhyuk was grateful for Eunkwang’s thick bottom lip, as he sucked it into his mouth, he found it was nice to chew on.

Forgetting that he was sat in his lap, when Eunkwang shifted his hips, Minhyuk gasped - his mouth falling open and allowing for a deeper kiss, if that were possible. Their hips pressed together, Minhyuk found it too tempting to resist, so he gently thrusted his hips upwards.

“Ahh, Minhyuk,” Eunkwang moaned, he sounded so sinful that Minhyuk felt himself harden, while a blush burned its way into his cheeks.

The older rotated his hips  _ just so _ , grinding down onto Minhyuk’s lap, drawing throaty grunts from the other man. They moved like clockwork, preprogrammed to work in one certain way, gears sliding together to make the machine tick.

Music still played in the background, the strums of a guitar and the mellow voices of some band were flowing into the air, clashing halfway with the soft gasps and moans coming from the couch. Yet somehow they melded together to make the music even sweeter.

_ After we say goodbye, my smile will disappear _

The lyrics were vaguely registered in the back of Minhyuk’s mind and he realized that that was what he’d been feeling all week, every time that he wasn’t with Eunkwang, regular people things like smiling or being polite just seemed that much harder. It was hard now, to live without Eunkwang.

And especially now, he knew that there was no going back, he and Eunkwang would be together forever.

What would their forever be like? He wondered.

Their forever would be like sitting on this couch, hands in each other’s hair and mouths connected. Their forever would be like the way Eunkwang pushes Minhyuk into the mattress, his hands clutching his shirt and pulling it off over his head. Their forever would be like the words that Minhyuk hisses into Eunkwang’s ear as the older is scissoring him with his fingers. Their forever would taste just like this, the sweat and unsatisfied whimpers from the back of someone’s throat.

Their forever would be just as noisy as Eunkwang’s adult life and just as quiet as Minhyuk’s. It would be as black and white as Minhyuk’s sketches and as colorful as Eunkwang’s eyes in the sunlight. Their forever would be perfect and sweet...and shorter than they realize.

 

“ _ God, _ ” Minhyuk gasped as Eunkwang withdrew his fingers, his hands digging into the older’s shoulders. He wriggled his hips, eager for something to replace the probing digits in his now stretched hole.

“Patience,” Eunkwang growled as he got up to remove his own jeans, his thighs coming into view. They were better than Minhyuk had imagined, they weren’t perfectly toned like the rest of his body, they were soft and malleable. As Minhyuk rolled his palms across the plush of Eunkwang’s thighs, he let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

He could feel rather than see Eunkwang’s smirk and he decided to boost his ego just a little bit more. “God, these are gorgeous,” he murmured, leaning forwards to press kisses to each thigh, as Eunkwang was tugging his t-shirt off over his head.

Having seen his chest and abs online, in videos of his performance, Minhyuk had been prepared to be less than impressed. But in person, they were surprisingly magnificent and he bit gently onto Eunkwang’s pectoral, his hands running over his abdomen.

The older man laughed slightly. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Well, you’re amazing, so...” Minhyuk buried his face in the chest before him once more.

Little did he know, that Eunkwang was just as amazed by his body, his hands were gently massaging his butt as he marvelled at how plump it was. His eyes were raking over his shoulders, as they were far better shaped than he’d expected.

They were absolutely taken by each other and when Eunkwang gently took hold of Minhyuk’s cock, the younger yelped in surprise, being tugged from a trance. He noticed how hard Eunkwang was through his boxer briefs and he reached over to snap the waistband.

“Come on, then,” he encouraged.

“Jesus,” Eunkwang rubbed at his waistline, where the band had snapped on his skin. “I think I like you more when you’re shy and timid,” he laughed.

But that didn’t stop him from shedding his underwear off and settling between Minhyuk’s knees, while he searched for lube from his nightstand. Minhyuk was now faced with his cock and his cheeks warmed quickly, it was a little bit shorter than his own but it was thick, thicker than he thought he could take, in all honesty.

However there was no way in hell that he would tell Eunkwang he was scared of taking his cock, so he just shut up and moved where Eunkwang told him to. He shifted his butt over so he wasn’t so close to the edge of the bed, watching his lover rub his own cock down with lube. He was gentle with his own cock, which gave Minhyuk hopes for how he would treat someone else’s.

When they both agreed they were ready, Eunkwang tugged Minhyuk’s legs up, his knees almost touching his chest and his ass displayed. He felt his face burn an even deeper red, but Eunkwang was all appreciation as he cupped the ass cheeks before him.

“I’ll go slow,” he promised, positioning himself and waiting for Minhyuk’s signal before he was gently thrusting into the hole, a loud groan coming from Minhyuk.

As soon as Eunkwang was fully seated, they were like clockwork once more, thrusting in, rolling out, it was good.  _ So good. _ Minhyuk signed as Eunkwang sank deeper into him. His lover seemed pleased with this result and he rolled his hips in a circle, his cock rubbing against Minhyuk’s walls, earning another moan.

The gasps of surprise as they learned the inside and out of each other was enough to keep them going, eager to hear more of each other’s sounds, but as Eunkwang squeezed Minhyuk’s cock tight, they were both coming. Eunkwang releasing inside of Minhyuk and Minhyuk painting Eunkwang’s chest and stomach in white spurts of liquid.

Coming down off their high, Eunkwang laughed and kissed Minhyuk deeply. “You did so good, baby,” he pushed the hair out of Minhyuk’s face and kissed his forehead gently.

The response was the tiniest mewl of a moan and a hand fisted into the sheets below. Messy, sweaty and fucked, the two drifted to sleep, their arms secured around each other.

\----

The fall came and Minhyuk was enjoying the sounds of it, the crunch underfoot as he walked through piles of leaves. But mostly he liked the sound of the wind, and the golden sounds of Eunkwang’s laugh as they walked through the park, hands clasped tight. Time seemed to slow down here.

Minhyuk could stare at Eunkwang’s bright face all day, until he was noticed, then they’d both look away laughing. As he walked under a particularly red tree, his face radiating how he was feeling, he noticed a tug on his hand and he turned to see that his boyfriend had stopped walking, his hand slipping free of Minhyuk’s.

“ _ Are you happy? _ ” Eunkwang asked, silently.

“ _ Yes, _ ” Minhyuk replied, his hands steady. “ _ Are you? _ ”

He was not given a reply, just a smile and a kiss. He assumed this meant yes.

Assuming, as it turns out is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Minhyuk learned this as he came home from yet another long lecture about character design, he set his things down on the table and walked further into his apartment. It was quiet here. Too quiet.

He felt a pang as he realized that he’d gotten so used to sound, he’d grown so accustomed to the sounds of laughter and music, that without it now, he felt almost lost. He decided that there would be sound at Eunkwang’s apartment. He took a cab across the city to the small apartment building where Eunkwang lived.

Surely, he wouldn’t mind. It’d be fine for him to drop in like this.

When he got to Eunkwang’s apartment, he went up and knocked on the door, nerves settling in. Even now, he was nervous to see his boyfriend. He was nervous to see the couch where they’d made out, where just a week later, had had sex.

Having sex with Eunkwang...twice...he’d done that. The thought still boggled his mind, even with Hyunsik’s insistence to do it as often as possible. A blush was creeping into the color of his skin as he thought about it, remembering the way that Eunkwang had mapped out his skin, the way he’d fondled his hips and lapped at his neck.

His skin now tingling with the eagerness to see him again, Minhyuk shifted on his feet. His fist knocked multiple times on the door and he chewed his lip as he waited. When the door finally swung open, he was faced with the sight of a tired, worn looking Eunkwang. He blinked at him for a moment, before moving to let him in.

“Hey,” Minhyuk greeted, disappointed by the lack of a response.

The older man closed the door behind him and wandered further in, he seemed to be in a bit of a daze and Minhyuk followed him carefully. He wasn’t sure how to approach him, not wanting to risk spooking him, so he watched from afar.

Eunkwang paced towards the back room of the apartment, Minhyuk on his heels, noticing that he was going into the bedroom. He felt like he should be wary as he ventured further into the dark room. Eunkwang was facing Minhyuk as he started to tug his shirt off over his head, his hardened stomach coming into view.

While the sight was appealing - Minhyuk had really only seen Eunkwang shirtless in the dark, during their rushed sex - it still felt awkward and the concern for his boyfriend’s odd behavior outweighed his desire. He took a careful step forwards to ask if he was okay, but he caught their reflection in the mirror.

His face looked pale and stark in comparison to the garish view he had of Eunkwang’s back, the marled skin was dark and the scarring was deep. It was painted across his back in a pattern that struck deep in Minhyuk’s chest, he felt an ugly twist start in his stomach, the taste of vomit approaching the back of his throat.

What had happened to him?

Before he could open his voice to question, Eunkwang’s soft voice pressed through the silence, sounding fragile. “We’d met during a party, a friend had invited us. I first heard the music, and then his voice,” he took a deep breath, speaking slowly. “I was 16. Too young, too stupid to see it. We fell in love too quickly and he grew up faster than I did, he got stronger, bigger. When we first fought, I was too infatuated to protect myself...the bruises were much deeper than physical and I didn’t realize how long it would take to heal.”

Minhyuk was staring at the floor, his eyes growing wet, his hands trembled slightly as he went to fold his arms, not wanting to interrupt.

“When he realized his hands wouldn’t leave a lasting effect, he got creative,” Eunkwang ran a hand through his hair. “It took me 8 years to get away from him.”

Hand reaching out gently, Minhyuk slipped his fingers through Eunkwang’s, feeling his boyfriend get a tight grip. Minhyuk would happily have Eunkwang crush his fingers if it meant that his boyfriend, felt secure. He pulled him close, slowly, letting him move at his own pace, until he was fit into Minhyuk’s arms.

“He’s gone,” he whispered against Eunkwang’s temple. “You’re safe. I’ll take care of you.”

Holding him in his arms now, Minhyuk realized how fragile Eunkwang was, he always seemed so sturdy, but with his quivering body pressed against Minhyuk’s own...he felt small. Strong muscles and abs meant nothing when he was shaking uncontrollably, his skin was tough, but underneath, his ribs felt fragile to the touch.

As Minhyuk slid his hand up his side, to pull him gently closer, he swallowed back the tears that were creeping to the corners of his eyes and he kissed his boyfriend’s temple. Burying his nose into his hair, he breathed deep, the scent of Eunkwang washed over him. It was the scent of vanilla and orange.

 

While Eunkwang showered, Minhyuk focused on making coffee, having difficulties in figuring out how Eunkwang’s coffee grinder worked. The only time he’d tried to work anything in this kitchen was the morning after their first time together, when he’d made eggs, finding out that he was fairly decent at it. He learned soon after that, that when Eunkwang said he “couldn’t cook”, he meant he was a good cook, especially in comparison with Minhyuk. He was just being humble, as usual.

The sound of wet feet slapping on the floor drew his attention and over his shoulder, he saw Eunkwang, towel slung low on his hips, drying his hair with a hand towel. “Hey,” the older man smiled, the sight of his boyfriend in his kitchen made his heart warm.

“I was thinking about ordering in, you hungry?”

“Let me make something, real quick,” Eunkwang countered, moving to the refrigerator. He bent over to look in and Minhyuk felt as if it was appropriate for him to admire his body now. “It’s rude to stare.”

Minhyuk looked away with a blush and giggled a little. Eunkwang knew him too well.

\----

One year anniversary. Just the fact that it was something people made a big deal about made it intimidating enough, but also the knowledge that he’d spent a year loving this man was slightly terrifying to Minhyuk. Over a year that he’d been listening to the sounds of his smooth voice, singing popular rock songs, or songs that he wrote.

Looking at him now, on stage, his fingers crooked against the strings of his guitar, a melody flowing from the instrument as he played out a love story with the words he was singing. Minhyuk wondered when it was he’d fallen in love with him, when his face started giving Minhyuk shivers, when the sound of his voice made Minhyuk’s heart weep with joy.

As soon as he walked off stage, Minhyuk ordered another beer for him and waited at the counter. When he came from the back room, drenched in sweat and looking radiant, Minhyuk slid off his stool to greet him. They met on the floor, where he slid into his boyfriend’s arms, their mouths colliding. Eunkwang’s hands eased down to grip his ass, as his mouth attacked the others in a violent kiss.

The adrenaline from being on stage always made Eunkwang passionate.

“ _ You were fantastic _ ,” Minhyuk signed as soon as he released him, leading his boyfriend back to the counter where their drinks waiter. 

“ _ You’re just saying that, _ ” Eunkwang rolled his eyes.

“ _ I mean it. _ ”

They shared one more brief kiss before they drank down their beers. “ _ So...one year, huh? _ ” Eunkwang waggled his eyebrows, he was obviously excited, as he’d been talking about it for weeks.

“ _ Yeah, are we doing anything for that? _ ”

“ _ Well, between you and I, no. _ ”

Minhyuk scoffed, he knew Eunkwang had something up his sleeve, but he just didn’t know what. He’d been distant recently, telling him he had ‘somewhere’ to be and randomly disappearing. Since they’d moved into Minhyuk’s apartment, they saw each other more often and they could read the other like the back of their hand.

When they were finished at the bar, Eunkwang pulled Minhyuk by the hand all the way to the car, where they drove back to the apartment. His face flushed as a thought came to him, was Eunkwang about to initiate some weird sex thing? Were they going to try something new?

As he was lead to the fire escape stairs, he realized maybe he was assuming too much there. Eunkwang took him up to the roof, where Minhyuk himself had only been once or twice in all 4 years that he’d lived in that apartment. It was beautifully decorated. Fairy lights were strung across the power posts, a pup tent set up in the center, where there was a small grill and a picnic type table.

Unable to restrain a smile, Minhyuk beamed at Eunkwang. “It’s lovely,” he squeezed his hand tight, before letting him go to show off all the food he’d prepared.

They ate Minhyuk’s favorite street food and a dessert that he had once told Eunkwang his mother used to make, an old classic. They ate their meal happily and once they were finished, they laid back in the pup tent and kissed till their lips were chapped and they were both painfully hard. Eunkwang insisted they go back to the apartment if they were actually going to have sex, as he didn’t fancy public rooftop sex.

And they did. They went to their bedroom and Eunkwang let Minhyuk fuck him slowly, for hours, until they were both too tired to keep their heads up. They fell asleep tangled in each other’s limbs, Minhyuk with his fingers buried in his boyfriend’s hair and Eunkwang with his arm tucked under Minhyuk’s neck, cradling his head.

\----

The day that Minhyuk had found Eunkwang on the floor, coughing up blood, was the day that things started to spiral downwards. Sungjae had come to sit with him in the hospital, he didn’t ask any questions, he just stayed by his side. When the doctor came out to explain what stomach cancer was and how the stages worked, Sungjae had carefully grabbed Minhyuk’s hand.

Minhyuk’s head spun wildly and as he went into the room, he found his lover lying on the bed, pale and sickly. Tubes in his arms and nose, dressed in a blue gown. He felt like he was going to throw up and he looked over his shoulder where Sungjae was sitting, the younger smiled kindly and gave him a thumbs up. Maybe things would be okay...

The rest of that week was spent at their apartment, Minhyuk helping Eunkwang eat and making sure he took his medication before he slept. He took off time from work to be with him, they spent their lazy days lying on the roof, staring up at the sky. For a moment, Minhyuk wondered if he could forget about it all, but then Eunkwang’s smile would break into a violent cough and a plummeting feeling would return to Minhyuk’s stomach.

If there was a way for him to stop it, he would, but for now he was forced to sit and watch. He watched Eunkwang’s body become weaker, struggling to get up in the morning, he ate less and less, his eyes looked tired all the time. The day when Minhyuk woke up and Eunkwang didn’t, he felt himself stop breathing.

He shook him and shook him, shouting his name. His eyes twitched and he felt relief wash over him in an icy cold wave. Eunkwang’s eyes flickered open and he looked up at Minhyuk, pain reflected back in the older man’s eyes.

“It hurts, Minhyukkie,” he mumbled, rolling over.

These days grew familiar. Sometimes Minhyuk got out of bed, and Eunkwang just...didn’t. Somedays Eunkwang smiled, most days Minhyuk didn’t. Time was flying by faster than either realized and after the third month since Eunkwang’s diagnosis, Minhyuk asked him a question that had been burning in the back of his mind.

“ _ Eunkwang, _ ” his hands moved slowly, so that his lover could keep up. “ _ Were you happy? _ ”

A minute passed by, then another and as Eunkwang’s lips spread into a miniscule smile, Minhyuk felt his heart ache. Had he never made him happy once? Was he ever pleased being in Minhyuk’s company?

Eventually, Eunkwang spoke. “I was happiest with you.”

\----

Eunkwang grew too sick to live at home and he soon became a staple at the hospital, Minhyuk spent most nights slumped in the chair by his bed, just lying near him. The sound of the heart machine kept him awake well into the early hours of the morning, before he eventually slipped into a painful darkness. He didn’t dream anymore, he barely even went fully to sleep. He was in a half asleep haze, where his ears focused eagerly to hear the sound of the machines still beeping monotonously.

When morning light came, Eunkwang woke up before he did and his fingers slid into Minhyuk’s hair. Too tired to speak, a rasp of something similar to his name slid off his lips, his eyes fluttering open and closed as he tried to get a good look at the sleeping face of his boyfriend.

He was grateful towards Minhyuk, but these days he was overwhelmed with guilt. When he realized he was more of a burden than anything, he tried to tell Minhyuk to go home, to go to work, eat some real food, sleep in a real bed. But as stubborn as ever, the face of the man he loved was defiant. He wasn’t going anywhere.

His hands too weak to sign and his throat too sore to speak, he would simply watch or listen as Minhyuk told him stories, told him about Hyunsik and Ilhoon’s newest adventure, played him music, anything to keep him entertained. Eunkwang was tired, though. He was tired of staying awake to see Minhyuk’s tears, he was tired of sleeping and he was tired of the pain that was coiled in his gut.

\----

When Minhyuk awoke, listening for the beeping of the heart machine and was met with nothing, everything seemed to shatter around him. The machine was silent, the shouting of the nurses were noiseless and as he slowly fell out of his chair, to his knees on the ground, nothing met his ears but a dull ache.

Just as quickly as it’d come, his hearing left with the greatest thing Minhyuk had ever had in his life. Eunkwang was gone and when the spring came, he was little more than a dream that Minhyuk had every night. Had he ever really heard the sound of his voice? Had he ever really listened to songs that moved him to tears?

The concept of ever hearing seemed like a distant haze in the back of his mind and the silence became normal once again. He forgot about how much he liked the sound of the rain and as time passed, he forgot the sound of his voice.

Minhyuk fell back into a world of darkness, his dimly lit office was the most common sight and as he tried to draw a face from the past, he realized that he was just missing something. He forgot the correct slope of his nose, or he forgot the angle of his eyes. It became a habit to copy old drawings he’d done, where the curve of his brow bone was done just so, or the quirk of his lips felt right.

With the sound of his voice, the shape of his face was becoming a mere dream in Minhyuk’s mind and overtime he started to forgot how his name tasted. The memory of the touch of his skin was no longer a comfort to Minhyuk during lonely nights, as it was too hard to recall what it felt like.

Years passed and with them, so did Minhyuk’s smile. It just became too difficult anymore and despite Hyunsik’s hard work to make him satisfied, most days were spent with a sharp blade pressed to his skin, but he was never brave enough to do anything more.

It was pouring rain when it happened, when Minhyuk was crossing the street, trying to get under the cover of a store front. He felt the rain soak his shoulders and when he got to the other side of the crosswalk, the dripping of the rain suddenly flooded his senses. He felt like a door was being opened and the sounds of the pouring rain were all he could focus on.

His eyes scanned the crowd around him and he saw a man staring at him, eyes wide and expression slack. He was obviously a foreigner, his skin a deep chocolate color, but his face was so alert, the face of someone who had heard rain for the first time.

Minhyuk felt a dull pain start in his chest. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready to do this again. He couldn’t start something only to lose it once more. But as if he was behind him, Eunkwang’s words came to him.  _ Are you happy? _ He only ever wanted what was best for him, he knew that.

A push at the back of his mind forced his feet to work, moving closer to the stranger. He would want this. He knew that. It would take time, but he would be happy again, just like Eunkwang had made him.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to shout at me on twitter @leehwitake or on tumblr @hwitaekkk  
> (yes hui's my ult of ults but eunkwangs is a DAMN CLOSE second)  
> the title is from minhyuk's solo purple rain
> 
> tbh most of this was written fueled by cnblue's live stages playing in the bg, hence the vERy emotional parts and the ftisland references, bc fnc family ayyyyy


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